Mind Control

  I Spread my thought media across the table kitchen table.  Letters, pics, thumb drives and old videos, .written poems and short stories, birth certifcates and college diplomas. Pictures of .friends and familyut living and dead, vids of barbecues,  strolls in the park, birthdays and anniversary celebrations and weddings and funerals.  My life. Spread out past pathways of memories carrying feelings.

  But in this way I have some Mind Control.

I can choose what path I want to deep dive into, what memories I want to re-emerge. I can open up the flood of past feelings happy ones or sad.  I can do that.  I have some control.  

The power of such  choice is invigorating.

Because with it I can change my mood as I remember .  I can think Power Thoughts.  I can choose to remember HAPPINESS.

Yes...there is sadness..like the death of my son... But that is ONE  inevitable event..sad..tragic. and dark and painful.   But the four years of vids of his birthdays and sound of his laughter, the memories of him building sand castles and singing him songs and us reading  picture books together contains a JOY of a life that is so much more than his unstoppable death.  And I can't imagine that his death means the "end" of him.  Everything in my being tells me "Death is NOT the end.

And with that belief  there is  JOY that I refuse to give up that goes past the pain of his death.

SO.. In the medium of Time, I don't have to stay depressed or angry if I can redirect my Mind. To think, to choose. To remember ALL the good that LIFE holds.  And it is this battle of seeking the joy instead of the sorrow, this battle of Life over Death that is the true battle of the mind.

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